My dad has come home to my house. His getting to my house this weekend involved some outright lying to me and recruiting some family members to get on that wagon. There was this big long convoluted multi-player act involving a cousin who was going to drive my dad in my dad's truck to my house (it's an 8 hour drive from where he was) and the long story short is- my dad drove himself and said cousin is not answering his phone, even when I try to call him from other numbers because I want to yell at him just a little bit. Dad made it just fine but was soooo exhausted. He's also chosen to interpret "continuous oxygen" to mean "15 minutes or so of oxygen every 2-3 hours, or whenever you feel like you need it" and "no smoking, wear your patch" to mean "wear your patch and try not to smoke more than half a pack a day. Or so. Whatever, really." I'm also pretty sure that he has absolutely no intention of being held hostage in my house and if I stole his keys, he'd just hotwire his truck. He knows how. Soooo... I'm feeling very out of control and forced to roll along with what he wants even though absolutely none of his decisions settle well with me. Those feelings, I suspect, have nothing to do with my wanting to be the Boss of the Situation and everything to do with my wanting my dad to take care of himself or let me do it for him. I think that's a pretty basic reaction that any child would have, right?
I will acknowledge, though, that his mental acuity seems to be more 'there' than it was before Christmas, even if he is weaker and has less stamina. Maybe that's the oxygen doing something good? I can hope.
---
I'm diverting my lack of control in this situation and the anguish that it causes because I'd very much like to be calling the shots into one where I can actually be useful. I have ended up on the board of directors for the Derby team (and by "ended up" I do mean that I walked in willingly, as our nomination process is by self-nomination only). I'm the treasurer as of last night and probably going to end up being that chick who has to at least speak her mind on everybody else's stuff, too, because we all know that I just can't keep my damn mouth shut when I'm in a leadership role. Or not in one. Either way- I'm really looking forward to it. I get to be useful to a group of people who might actually need the skills that I can bring to the table, and that makes my inner Girl Scout squeal. I'm like that on a normal day, but right now I feel like it's giving me an anchor and a reminder that even if my dad is choosing not to listen to me, it doesn't mean that it's because I'm useless it just means that he isn't going to listen to me. Validation by any other name is just as sweet, right? Right.
---
Due to the way that things worked out with my LyingAssFather's schedule, I was able to daytrip Winter Wonders and I have never been so happy for a rainy drizzly SCA event in my life! It was great because I got to hole up in a cabin with all the people I love and we spent the day doing the exact same thing we'd be doing if we were anywhere else... cracking jokes about bodily emissions, telling stories at one another's expenses, threatening one another, and discussing penises in great depth. I never said we were grownups, I just said we loved each other. I needed it. When I left that night to take my drunk and sleepy roommate home, I felt shored up and less angsty. Having a tribe is so very valuable... even if their way of conveying love is sometimes by telling nutsack jokes, it's still love all the same and I wouldn't change it (though I could live without some of the visuals, I think).
No comments:
Post a Comment