Damn. This is hard.
I thought about going with an author or philosopher, somebody good and noble, like Mother Theresa or Ghandi... but that's not very fair. There are lots of words and books and songs out there that have made my life a lot better, but "worth living for"? That's a stretch. But I have a lot of humans in my life that really have, at some point or another (or many) made my life worth living for... too many, in fact, to list them all. I'm lucky like that.
So, by virtue of Time Served- I'm goin' with Squid.
In the 4th Grade, I came home from school one day and informed my mom that I'd met the boy I was going to marry one day. True story. He was tall and lanky and smelled good, and had shaggy bangs, and I didn't know much about him at all other than his name was Jonathan. Didn't matter- I was smitten. I think I remained that way for all of about 2 weeks, and then we became friends of sorts. As the middle school years passed into the teenage years, we evolved and evolved and evolved. I'm pretty sure he was my first "stay up all night talking on the phone" buddy. He introduced me to D&D. I taught him how to drive. Embarrassingly, I still have the notes that we passed in class the day after I lost my virginity, and he still has the ones that were written after his, a few months later. There was some awkwardness around the time we were 16 where we decided that we were going to be a couple ourselves, and there was an amazing summer when we both worked at the same McDonald's and we were dating a brother and sister that lived in the next town down the highway. We listened to the Lost Boys Soundtrack nonstop for at least 2 months, and I'm positive that we both still know all the words to everything Bon Jovi did before 1996. We drank a case of Boones' Farm and woke up in a scary place. We joined the SCA at the same time, and we were road-trip buddies for years. Our minds were so in sync that he knew when to grab the wheel because I had a phobia of bridges I couldn't see the end of. He dated my college roommate for a few years, and then my suitemate, and a year-and-change ago, when he got married- well, of course it wasn't to me. That's not the niche we're supposed to fit into with one another, and I was honored to be one of his attendants.
Squid and I have gone months without talking to one another, and we fall back into sync without a falter. And yes, when Shit Got Real- we have had one another's backs. We've nursed each other through heartbreaks, deaths, hangovers, and Bad Personal Decisions, and we don't keep score... at least, I don't. He probably has the right to, because I'm sure he's fixed me more than I've fixed him, but that's ok.
I can't explain how very comforting it is to have somebody that has seen me at my worst... my "bad 90s hair days" and my "flannel as a fashion statement" era, my "I'm sooooo in love" and my "emo as hell" and still love me pretty much unconditionally. And that level of comfort, of knowing that somebody has always had your back and by virtue of habit, loyalty, and sometimes blind faith always will, it's something that makes you brave, and with the kind of bravery that gives you the confidence to do what you have to do even when you can't think it through as thoroughly as you should first. I can't imagine having made it this far without my most reliable of all of my safety nets... and I figure that if you can't imagine living without someone, then they have surely made your life worth living for.
This post is part of the 30 Days of Truth Challenge .
No comments:
Post a Comment