Hard Shit: Still Hard.

Last weekend, I went to New Orleans with some beloved friends to see the Dalai Lama.  Have you ever been in a room of thousands and felt calm and at peace?  I hadn't. I did. It was amazing.  I'd like to say that I emerged from the weekend at one with my inner ZenMistress, but.... no.

I got some cool mental and emotional tools. I learned some neat stuff.  I let myself relax and enjoy the moment and be present, and was able to not worry about the little things that I normally fixate on, like checking the messages on my phone to make sure nobody NEEDED anything.  I spent a few hours for a few days not thinking about who was looking or judging or seeing or doing, just on my own being.  Pretty cool.  I got to have an absolutely perfect evening out with a great friend, and it was good.  Checking out for the weekend, whether in the context of a spiritual zen trip or just in general, was needed.  My edges were getting frayed, and they got a bit smoothed by the getaway.

Upon my return to The Real World, I am more in touch with the reality that I'm not exactly doing ok.  There are certain benchmarks that I keep an eye on of things that are in-check when I am happy and in a good place, mentally.  Things like making my bed every morning, putting my laundry away quickly, not eating junk.  Well, for the most part I am not eating junk but I'm letting other things slip, or I find myself half-assing them.  I have TIME to do things, but I find myself curling up with a cat and a book because that feels like what my body and mind want to be doing, and I don't have the willpower to say "fuck you, body.  Your ass CAN go do some damn packing."  I don't wanna.  Can't make me.

I feel like I am not keeping up with my "to do" list, and that is demoralizing, but at the same time I do not regret that I have been prioritizing people over things lately.  I've gotten to spend time with awesome people and start working on some great projects.  Surely important, but now I'm caught in the struggle between trying to rationalize my Grasshopper vs. Ant attitudes.  I have had a headache since Sunday.  I've got no energy.  I give my energy to social endeavors and have none left for the boring tedious shit I need to do. It's a problem.

So, clearly, "Do what I want to do" isn't working out so well. I'm finding myself feeling guilty, and I'm not making as much progress as I need and want to toward getting ready to sell my house- as in, absolutely no progress this week.  I'm hoping to use the upcoming weekend as a reset and start scheduling my days a little more strictly.  I'll leave time for social things and fun things and curling up with my cat and my book, but I need to treat some of my necessary projects with the same gravity as a work schedule, I guess.

I just want a nap, first.

90 seconds of absolute batshit crazy

Scene:  A Sonic Drive-In Restaurant, approximately 9:00 on a week night.  Our heroine is patiently awaiting delivery of a magical Diet Cherry Limeaide (extra cherries, please) after Roller Derby practice.  As is fit, she is sweaty. She is wearing an ensemble consisting of bicycle shorts, a teal T-shirt reading "Bitches Be Trippin'", a purple bandana on her head... and pink KT Tape decorates her knee. Her socks feature C3P0.

In the next car-stall, an older woman is piloting a large black pick-em-up truck whilst maintaining a solid grasp on the chili dog in her right hand.  She hits the menu post with her headlight, and rather than stopping and realigning tests the boundaries of physics to see if her F950 (est) can win the battle. It can, but at the cost of her headlight shielding, headlight, and a portion of chrome plating, all of which shatter upon the ground, glistening in the security light and menu glare.

Then shit got real.

Ok, so seriously? This woman (whom I hate for her actions, not for her chili dog) is all like, just going on away, leaving the car debris. So I call out of my window "You forgot part of your truck!"  Because I am HELPFUL, you know.  So she stops her truck behind me and rolls down the window and says "Oh, it's ok! It's just my headlight!"

OH BUT NO.

So I leap from my car and grab a shard of displaced plastic from where it bounced off of my car and I waved it at her.  "This was under my tire."

She sits there....and takes a bite of her motherfucking chili dog while examining the glistening shard in my hand.

So I proceed to pick up all the bits and pieces and chunks of Made-in-the-USA-Pickup-Truck, WHILST carrying on an improv monologue on how SOME PEOPLE just leave their trash lying around to puncture tires and ruin nice evenings and SOME PEOPLE could get out of their damn trucks... and I carried them over to her.  At which point she quickly handed off her chili dog to the passenger, which is a damn fine thing because had her hands not been free, she'd have been catching shattered plastic bits in her lap, and probably, that damn chili dog.

She did say thank you, though. I'm not sure if she was grateful because I gave her back her headlight or because I did not punch her in the throat, because I suspect that my appearance was pretty damn frightening... that lighting is never complimentary in those parking lots, you know.

Scene:  The carhop arrives with a Diet Cherry Limeaide and a perplexed expression on her face.  Was the confusion because the patron was out of the car or because the menu one stall over was askew, unlit, and scratched to hell and beyond?  Who knows.  Our Heroine was happy to point out that the black pick-em-up truck was getting on about their hitting and running now that their trash had been dealt with.  And then there was Diet Cherry Limeaide, and all was good.

---End Scene---

This post not sponsored or endorsed by Sonic Restaurants.

Untitled, and I'm ok with that.

"Fake it 'til ya make it" has made me a much happier person.  Really- IT WORKS!  Want some soundbites? GOT THEM.  "Happiness is a choice." TRUE.  "People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be." I believe it.  Parrot that stuff repeatedly to yourself or whomever will listen and eventually, you will start to mean it, you'll believe it, and you will be happier than you used to be.

Sometimes, though, a girl just needs a good wallow (or "waller," in the proper dialect of my homeland).  Yesterday the entire universe aligned properly to give me the Perfect Storm for a 100% Legit, No-Holds-Barred angstfest.  How so?

• Jury Duty!  You can go home after sitting in the room of bodies with warring perfumes just long enough to get a killer headache, but you have to call in every day until we tell you not to to see if you have to come back.  insider tip: my schedule being up in the air freaks me the hell out.
• Clashing with a friend!  It happens. Friends have to work their shit out sometimes, and it's ok.  Timing is what timing is... and God knows, it's never a convenient time to have a Situation.
• HORMONES.  Just....yeah. Fuck you, kitten. Why are you looking at me?
• TIME TO CRY! Practice was tough last night, and in my crummy mindset it felt like it was a series of tailor-made drills designed to specifically exploit my weaknesses. It wasn't, and I know that, and I knew that then, but I still made special time to have a meltdown... and may have scarred the Coach for life.
• Guess who's not ready for Gulf Wars? THIS GIRL! Seriously, I leave on Friday for 5 days of camping, and I'm SO not prepared.

So, is it better today? Nope. I still have a residual pity-party hangover, but as of noon today, I am going to be actively forcing myself to put it in check as I spot it.    

Wednesday Night's Fight Club Moment

"Don't deal with this the way those dead people do. Deal with it the way a living person does." -- Tyler Durden

Ok, so maybe that's a TOUCH melodramatic, but last night I learned two valuable lessons:

1) My body did not fully heal in 2 weeks from the tattoo.  The area had the appearance of healing, but was still quite tender.

2) Shading needles hurt like a mother when there's no endorphin rush leading into it.

This makes me so. damn. happy.  5 hours, all told, and 5 hours of my life I am happy to have sacrificed towards decorating the temple that is my body with something that I don't think I'll ever possibly regret.

Next time, though, I might decide to find spiritual resonance with something a little bit smaller...

First-world problems.

I don't write very often when I'm content, nor do I write when I'm depressed.  I'm not sure it is possible to be both concurrently but I have been feeling a nagging sense of ennui with absolutely no time to spin around twice.  My bed is being made every morning and my kitchen is clean, both signs of "I am a Happy Person" for me.  I'm getting a new tattoo tomorrow; one I've been mulling over since 2007, and I am super excited about that.

I am BUSY. This weekend, I had social funtime with 2 groups of people as well as two individuals, but I also had time to curl up with a book and a movie, as well as to knock items off of my "to do" list around the house.  This week, I have busy evenings, but one kept to myself for nobody but me.  This coming weekend I have at least two social outings with people I adore.  GOOD THINGS, they are happening for me.  I am not worried about money, health, or whether or not I am valued.  My knee is feeling great and my skating feels strong, and I don't need to sit out of half of the drills at practice for fear of reinjury.  Overall, I feel quite sane. I remember to take my vitamins. I'm still not eating gluten and my body is feeling wonderful.  I'm remembering to do my PT, my balance exercises, and a few extra planks just because I can.  I have stressors, but they are minimal.  

I think I am doing a good job of taking care of myself. I'm sleeping enough, not eating junk, considering my own feelings before I get involved in anything. I'm practicing good awareness, which might be why I'm so flippin' confused about my general state of mind, today.  I am freaking ANGSTY as hell, and I have no reason.  I'm not responding to a damn thing.... I just have a constant growl in my throat and I'm surly and bitchy.  Not just today- this week. Last week. Possibly the week before.  Not consistently, for sure, but more often than I'd like.

First world problems, first world answers.  I went and found myself a book on meditating on happiness and gratitude that came recommended from a happy chick I know, and I'm going to brain myself out of my funk starting tonight.

2012 in Instant Messages

Once you take out all of the good dirt, there's not really that much left... but I really didn't want to do the annual recap. Instead, things that made me smile out of my chatlogs.

January 5, 2012

James: free tattoos , too good to be true
me: Oh come on. No sense of adventure.
James: just dont share it with the local medieval group
me: THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

January 30, 2012

Sabine: So something with eclectic in the title? eccentric? bizarre? f'n nuts?
legitmatized whores?
me: Eclectic is fine. Eccentric is OK. f'n nuts should be the surprise. The gift-with-purchase.

February 27, 2012

Becca: gulf wars?
Me: Nope! New job started today!

March 30, 2012

Sabine: you need to choose a cover photo for your fanpage
me: meh. Done.
Sabine: nice ass
me: I know RIGHT?

May 8, 2012:

me: Yesterday, I saw that Diamond Jack's had, as far as I could tell, overcharged my debit card by $15 from dinner Saturday. So I went home and got my receipt. Now today, that amount that had been charged as $15 over shows as the proper amount... so I don't get to call and yell at somebody and that really makes me mad.
Sabine: I feel ya, making that Amazon chick feel like shit was the most rewarding thing I've done in a month.
me: jealous.
Sabine: Although drowning gummi bears in a bottle vodka was a close second.
me: I'm still feeling precarious about that one. I thought that last time we declared boozy gummis to be an epic fail?
Sabine: I have no recollection of doing this before. And these fuckers are amazing.
me: awesome. Maybe it was everclear, then? The gummis melted and we basically had flammable jelly. Like napalm with faces here and there.
Sabine: Yeah with these I took a 3 pound bag of bears and fed them a bottle of vodka. A few days later I fed them another bottle of vodka. And yesterday I fed them a can of fruit punch concentrate with only half the water added to it.
And you stir every day. Twice a day.
me: that sounds far more well planned than whatever it was we did.
Ian was involved...
Sabine: I feel like I've been raising gremlins in my refrigerator.
me: how cute!

June 11

Me (To EvilSara): Greensmoke batteries do not like to go swimming.
JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

June 12

me: Sometimes I wish I could be convinced to give a damn about Dr. Who or Battlestar Galactica. I think life would just be easier. But you know what? I don't. And here's a bonus tidbit- I don't give a fuck about Firefly, either.
Wow, that felt good.
Sabine: I'm actually trying really hard to give a damn about Dr. Who. It is a challenge.
me: I tried.

July 25

me: Palmer referred me to friends getting married. They're having a Superhero themed wedding and a fight is going to break out during the ceremony.
Sabine: AWESOME. take notes, my wedding has to top ALL weddings.
me: Yes, dear.
Between the glitter cannon and Holy making you exchange blood with your husband, I'm sure it will win.
Sabine: And don't forget at least 2 musical numbers.
Cause 3 would be overkill.

August 23

Bri: I just might light a match if he fell in a pool of kerosene. But I wouldn't pour the pool.
me: That's what teamwork is for. I totally would.

September 4:

Becca: Dante called me and told me he needs more freedom. and a car.
I'm not sure how he's going to drive, but i didn't think it was my place to ask.
me: Dante can have a car when he gets his grades up.

September 27

Krak: guess who won a lotto prize?!
$4!!
yay
I turned down Whataburger
I feel like I've betrayed myself
Are you ok today special friend?? Do I need to come up there and make cheer happen?
me: Sweet jesus, I'm sorry. Since switching to Pidgen, it's not notifying me.
Like, there's nothing FLASHING.
I am good. And I am thrilled that you won the lotto and so dissapointed that neither one of us had a cheeseburger.
I have a facebook convo on my wall... "name 3 things you can buy at wal-mart that will inspire the cashier to call the cops."
"WD-40, duct tape, athletic supporter." "Koolaid, ant poison, dixie cups." "Safety glasses, dog collar, knee pads." "Adult diapers, children's toy doctor kit, rubberbands." "Doggie chew toy, enema, jumper cables."
I'm glad to know I keep classy company.
Krak: that you do
I don't get the wd 40 one
I'm not SURE I do either.
I don't know that person, though. Maybe there's a back story.
 "Rubber gloves, blue tarp, duct tape." That one, I like.
Krak: I would go with shotgun shells, needle nose pliers, lengths of pipe
oh but you'd also need duct tape
I'm no good a 3 item anarchy
me: can you get pipe at wal mart?
Krak: pvc
which also explodes rather nicely
ok, right on.
if I could add metal army men, that shit would be DEADLY
me: *snort*
Krak: I could do a lot more at Home Depot
me: I mean, you can get Fertilizer AND a blowtorch at Home Depot.

October 3

Jenny: http://www.barackobama.com/debate/find-a-debate-party
Jenny: did you know these existed?
me: No, but I found this last night: http://www.debatedrinking.com/
now to combine the two... debate drinking with strangers from the internet! Sounds like a project for Craigslist.
Jenny: bahahahaha

October 29

Sabine: http://www.copylicious.com/2010/08/an-introverts-guide-to-spontaneous-departures/
me: ...cheesy bread???
Sabine: true f'n story

October 30

Denise: lol
i hurt
fish tacos
and tacos with white sauce
me: with sour cream!
Denise: and tacos with yogurt
me: I know. Jenny came in right as I was getting that shit ready to share FAR AND WIDE.
I decided against FB...
largely because I don't need my 68 year old aunt saying "I don't get it? You LOVE Fish Tacos!"
Denise: lol
yeah you do
me: Nah, I thought about it. I don't.
BLOG POST.
Denise: YES!

November 27

me: I just went to "Gizoogle.com" and put in my blog's URL. Though the translation requires me to highlight words to read them, that shit is AMAZING. Clearly, I'd be much cooler if I were gangsta.
Denise: lol
its trying to make me translate it to spanish
wtf
me: Ok, well, I have no answer for that.
Denise: gizoogle.net
just sayin
me: WHATEVER.
Denise: it matters!!!
me: 3 letters? 3 letters never matter that much.
Denise: 800 vs 888
:O
me: Well, I usually round up.

November 27

me: Ermagerrrrd... I am TIRED today.
And EMO.
Jenny: im sore too!
me: I'm only a little sore. Stupid shoulder, again, mostly.
My thighs are kinda tight, but nothing crazy.
http://gawker.com/5963405/not-even-kidding-hidden-camera-show-pulls-scariest-elevator-prank-ever
OH HELL NO.
Jenny: bahahahaha
me: I'd die.
Jenny: i would be like those girls huddled in the corner
me: TRUTH.
Jennifer: that girl probably had a great time
me: I'm just glad that nobody decided to kick the shit out of her.
  'Cause I might.
Oh god. Bruce just came to see what was wrong with me because this made me laugh so hard. http://www.buzzfeed.com/zekejmiller/chinese-website-congratulates-kim-jong-un-on-being
Jenny: lol, awww the onion has caused quite a few people to be confused
me: Satire is hard.

December 6

me: Amazon recommends: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0762444142/ref=s9_simh_co_p14_d3_i6?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-2&pf_rd_r=1103FQN70EFNAPV00SWF&pf_rd_t=3201&pf_rd_p=1280661782&pf_rd_i=typ01
W. T. F. ?
Jenny: baHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
me: Buy it in a set with Bi-Curious George!
Jenny: and now that is in my browsing history! damn you sarah
me: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

No elves on my shelves...

The Elf on the Shelf is a creepy SOB.

Yesterday I spent entirely too much time looking at Inappropriate Elf pictures with Denise, Jenny, and Jen. Fortunately, I don't own one, so I haven't felt the need to make him swim with the fishes (I have fishes. It would happen).

I have, however, decorated my tree, proving that I'm not entirely devoid of holiday spirit.

Actually, I am.  This year I'm not so excited about Christmas, but I am excited about setting up my tree! Last year I didn't, so it's been a year and a half (ever since Christmas in July) since I saw some of my favorite collectibles..

Shamrock/clover ornaments on my tree? 15, and I love every single one of them.

My mother was crafty. She made the crocheted stocking and the red and white owls, years ago.

Jeanie went on vacation and brought me a pink flamingo.  Evil Sara gave me the green frog a very long time ago; there may have been a story there, but I can't recall it.

The sheep belonged to my very dear missed friend, Beth. The pickle it is staring at was a gift from Becca, given in memory of Beth who had fun stories about growing up in a house with a Christmas Pickle (which is FAR less creepy than a fucking elf on a shelf... just sayin').

This ball only made it to the tree because it's still got silly string on it from Christmas in July... and after all, my tree is all about the people I love, even if they spray silly string in my house.

A new addition to my ornament box, Bri sent me red roller skates for my tree earlier this year.

So... yes, currently I'm living in denial that Christmas is a few weeks away. Maybe it's the weather, or the dreading of the trip to the Ancestral Motherland... and maybe I'll get in the spirit eventually.

But hey, I've got an awesome tree.

Deep Thoughts on a Friday Night

I don't ever get homesick for places.

I get homesick for people.

To be wrapped up under the strong arm of my favorite Bear-type friend, who always kept me safe and warm when I was drunk and cold?  I miss it.

To sit down in the middle of a road because Sabine and Dirk were "being mean" to me?  I miss that shit, too.

Laughing til I can't breathe with all of my girls... or talking shit with my boys, knowing that they love me enough to not call me on it?  Miss it.  Miss it all the time.

I'm thrilled that the people that I love have had the sense to develop lives and careers and buy houses, just like I have.  That's good. That's important.  That responsibility and grown-uppedness is part of why I love them as much as I do.

Sometimes, I just kind of wish they'd done it a little closer to where I did it, too.

Hey little sister, who's your Superman?

Bridget and Heebie's wedding was stunning. We knew it would be, and it surpassed all possible expectations.  

Weekend Highlights:

John and I setting aside our "IHATEYOU" because we found a mutual enemy: Codename Pocahontas Boots.

The best Bloody Marys EVER (they're better when they're on somebody else's tab at the rehearsal dinner.)

Our lives becoming a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book without the benefit of suggested page numbers.

Squid wanted to go have a classy cigarette... really. Pinkies up!

Taking Jeanie to Target in pajamas

Cards Against Humanity

Winning card: A windmill full of corpses. Because really- when is that not a winner?

"Goin' to the Fair" Hair

The most gorgeous bride to ever walk an aisle and a groom with tears in his eyes:

a 90 lb bride's bouquet made of edible plants

A 7-year old ring bearer with a black eye and more game than any man I've ever seen on a dance floor

Inappropriate dancing with a Christmas Tree

"Do you have a tuxedo, can you do the Electric Slide?" and other Craigslist postings that never actually happened.

The ladies' stirring rendition of "Love Shack." Rusted tin roof provided by: Jordan

Finding a sunbeam and a friend to lean on like a lizard rock

And throughout it all, we kept our pinkies (mostly) up!

My family is not "textbook" perfect.  

We're irreverent.

Sometimes a little too loud.

Sometimes, it's hard to keep up...

But dammit, this is MY family, and I have never been prouder to be a part of it.

Another weekend in the bag...

The Maker's Fair was not really financially profitable but I think that TCK had good community response, and we may have scored a recruit or two and I spoke to at least 40 people who had no idea there was local roller derby- and now they know.  Good stuff, there.

Then there was the emotional and mental liability of being in a big public space from 6:45 - 4:30.  I did run away with a friend for about two hours to walk downtown and just talk, which I think saved me from a major meltdown, but by the time I made it home, I was about as depleted as I could be and still be in the healthy range.  Mouse got on her way quickly- she was beat, too- and I think I managed about an hour or so of napping.

Evening brought about some derby sister socialness, and then I was thinking I was maybe about wrung out, and thought about heading to the Redbox, but I got an invite to enjoy some downtime at another friend's place -- and after deciding that I was presentable enough to be company, ended up clocking in another few hours of social time, but the really good "emotional food" sort.  Making the gamble with the little bit of emotional reserves I had left was a very good call, and instead of ending the day feeling wrung out and overtaxed, I was happy and content and warm.  

Aside- driving home at 1AM and feeling a bit peckish and curious led me to investigate the Dorito taco.  This is possibly the worst decision I've ever made.  WTF.

So today was spent as Sundays seem to be these days... mostly in bed with a book, keeping one eye on the internet and seeing a little bit of mindless TV.  Laundry happened, a bit of cooking, and absolutely nothing else on my weekend checklist, despite the fact that it was a long checklist that's been neglected and I need to make some progress... but it was good.  I feel grounded and ready for an amazing week... a week that shall include a scrimmage night, Jackyl live in concert, and will culminate in a camping trip that I'm looking forward to heartily but not prepared for in the slightest.

Today's bit of happy:

Serving as stunt-double- Sprint Galaxy II, which is an awful lot like an AT&T Galaxy III, except it sucks.
Also- time to update the Kindle cover, lest I be sending the wrong signal...

I discovered that one of my beautiful but often neglected pieces has a dual purpose.  This gorgeous yarn bowl given to me by Robbin - which hasn't been used for knitting nearly as much as it should- serves as the perfect amplifier for my phone-as-music player, perfect for moving from room to room rather than dealing with earbuds or futzing with speakers.

Ward 4, Precinct 2 at 6:15 AM. I was about #150 in line.

Yep. 6:DAMN:15 AM.  Turns out that when you get a Celestone shot and then take your Purple Drank prescription cough syrup at 8:10, you're comatose by 8:18.  The good news is, getting up early to vote isn't a problem, and you'll even feel good enough to not resent all the other earlybirds.  I had a very "STRANGER DANGER!" kind of moment when the man behind me offered to fix my jacket collar (sweet) then complimented me on the tone and paleness of my skin (aaaaaaaaaand creepy).  I think I said something awkward and went back to reading the Kindle app on my phone.

Civic duty is done; I think I've decided that I'm not going to tune in to the coverage tonight. I hope that Hurricane Sandy's damage and chaos won't mean that this election is called into question, regardless of the turnout.  I'm not in the mood for jackassery today.

My one complaint?  No "I Voted" stickers. I don't mind it so much for local elections, but for the big stuff, I want my sticker.  Next election, I guess I'll order some on Etsy...

"Fell back" on Sunday...

Fell back into bed, that is.

It started with a sore throat, then the fever came.  Shortly after the fever came the telling pressure in the ears...

Another. Goddamned. Ear. Infection.

Eustachian tubes are so overrated.

Tom approves of sick humans as long as their hands are available for petting.

My attempted home remedies included a batch of potato soup, the hottest curried pork and okra I could manage to make, and so many hot toddies that I started wondering if I was drinking them for the tea or the bourbon (I have no Canadian in the house, heathen that I am).

I think I did a load of laundry.  I called Sabine between the 3rd and 5th hot toddie, and I babbled about Kool Aid pitchers, circus freaks, and... oh, hell. Something.  I watched "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World" and I found it to be entirely too sad.  I watched The Walking Dead, and now I'm angry and bitter about T-dog and smug about Lori.

Sick, ya'll.  It sucks.

Thanksgiving Month...

Things Krak and I are grateful for (individually and together, based on IM chats and lovely shared experiences):

* Free Advil in the workplace

* WFTDA.tv

* "Hide this Assole" feature on Facebook

* Corndogs and other State Fair Food

* The Ska Punk Covers Spotify playlist

* @RollingBlackouts

* Jenny and Denise and their incessant cuteness

* Cats

*Instant Messenger

*edited to add -- Cow Fluffers. They exist, people, and we've seen them at work.

But mostly, we're grateful that neither one of us is posting a daily note of what we are grateful for on Facebook, because after about 3 days most people are clearly phoning it in.  Clearly we're bad people.

"I'm lying in the gutter eating tootsie rolls..."

Sometimes, you're just having a conversation. A conversation about dinner, in this case.

And then the conversation takes a sharp turn to the left...

And you think to yourself "Is this guy for real? Is this a poor attempt at sexting?  PINK TUNA TACOS WITH SOUR CREAM? Worst euphemism ever.  You're going to get blocked, son. Not for being crass, but for doing it so poorly."

And then you think to yourself "Wow, I clearly need to get my mind out of the gutter and maybe go have some damn fish tacos."



Title credit: "Hurricane Party" by Paul Sanchez

Second verse, same as the first...

I was sick. First an ear infection, then bronchitis and the other ear got infected.

Then I got better.  Well, I started getting better.  I had a drastic improvement from "feels like death" into "feeling mostly human with a cough."

Then I went to San Diego for a weekend, and it was amazing.

And now I'm sick again.

I'm just glad that I got to go to California and have a lovely bit of vacation with my guy, even if now I'm right back to probable ear infections, and another week of not working out, not skating, and not getting my stupidly massive to-do list done.

MEH.

A happy moment in a sad Wednesday

I had every intention of participating in a M-F version of NaBloPoMo, but then the first of November wasn't much worth talking about.  I'm getting to the point in my work calendar where life goes from "stressful because there's too much work to do" to "stressful because there's not enough money coming into the office." It's a change of tempo, but not much of a condolence.  

This morning I ducked out of the office for a few minutes when the phones got to be too much.  I'd gathered up loose change last night to take it to the Coinstar machine, and so that's what I did. I don't actually try to "collect" change- but it happens.  I'm a pocket-user, and I keep change receptacles on my dresser, in my bathroom, in my car, and on my washing machine. I didn't weigh the nylon shopping bag full of change (and bobby pins, stick pins, buttons, etc...) but I'm guessing it was a 20 lb bag of change. It's been a year or so since I cashed it out.

Anyhow- the gimmick is, you lose 9.8 cents per dollar if you want cash, but gift certificates have no fee taken out.  Christmas is coming and I'm an Amazon addict.  I don't mind getting the gift card to keep almost a tenth of my money!  I scraped my money through the machine, collected my Chuck E Cheese tokens that fell out of the bottom (haven't been there in at least 2 years, maybe 3), and saw that the total money sorted was $10 less than my plane ticket I bought for my trip to San Deigo this weekend.  BANK!  That was happy.... but then the machine was out of Amazon gift cards, so instead of a card I got the entire amount in cash, with no service fees.

It isn't a major victory in the grand scheme of things, but it makes me happy, so I'll take it.

Things Happened.

So let's see...

That May bout?  My team (the Bayou Bruisers) won.  The following two, against the Cenla Derby Dames - one home, one away- were well played, but we were not victorious.  However, my life still rocked, because for all 3 bouts, a CertainSomeone happened to fly across the country to visit, and to watch us skate, and that's a pretty awesome thing.  And hey! He's flying in town again for our interleague bout this weekend, in which I'll be a Bruiser again, and it's going to be smashing.

That's pretty much the happy end of things.

In the "life happens, and damn does it keep you busy" department, the Things That Happened weren't so swell.  In late June, my dad fell... and in July, on the weekend when CertainSomeone and I were going to head to New Orleans for San Fermin en Nueva Orleans, we ended up going to Dallas again for dad had landed himself in the hospital.  Lots of THINGS happened, including a Kyfoplasty and 50+ days of rehab, but yesterday my dad came home to me, having been deemed fit to live on his own but with some assistance.  I feel like I could honestly write a book right now about how one who isn't expecting to do so can navigate the medical (and Medicare) system without ending up admitted themselves, but I'm probably not well qualified. I made some mistakes- one of which may have caused a pretty big setback in dad's recovery when I chose a rehab facility that looked great on the surface but had I done my research properly, I'd have steered away from.  Anyhow- lessons have been learned.  If you ever have a loved one in the hospital for something more serious than a hangnail, get yourself a notebook and record everything.  Put everyone's card in the pocket. Write on the back of the card who they are and what date they became relevant... and be grateful for the people in your life who will let you vent every single day about how much the situation sucks, because they'll help an awful lot... and try not to hold grudges against people who aren't being as involved as you'd like.  Chances are, they're prioritizing as well as they can, even if it seems unfair.

SO ANYWAY.... My dad came home yesterday!  That's great.  He can now get around the house with his walker and some bitching, and he's pretty decent at propelling his wheelchair.  He's hoping to regain his independence as quickly as possible, but I think we'll be ok even if this situation lasts for awhile.  I'm looking at a lifestyle change of sorts, at least temporarily... but I don't mind.  Since he's been in treatment, my days have consisted of a schedule that involves leaving for work most mornings around 7:15 and getting home around 9:00 (or later) most nights, so I think I'll adjust pretty easily to needing to go straight home from work to check on the old man (and nap).

As for me?  Well, for me, stress manifests itself in the form of indulgence in cookies, bourbon, and more nicotine than it should.  I've gained 10 pounds, maybe 12.  I've missed a lot of practices.  I've had way more junk food than I should have, but I've taken my vitamins religiously.  Now that things have turned around a bit with dad, though, those are all factors I plan to address.

And lookit! Some of my girls and I made the front page of a local paper (and it's not even a mug shot).  Things aren't all bad... truthfully, they're pretty good all things considered.

And that's my update of Things that Happened.

Despite all the crap I'm about to say, I'm really in a great mood.

My internal dialogue entertains the hell out of me sometimes.  Somewhere around the age of 12 I figured out that I wasn't supposed to just always say those things that I was thinking, though, and most of the time my tact filter kicks on and I don't spread snark and sarcasm every damn time I open my mouth.  That internal dialogue is for ME- and select others that I choose to share it with, but for the most part keeping it internalized is for everyone's better interest... and clearly, it's broken today. Or malfunctioning.  Or I left it next to my contact lens case or underneath the banana I meant to grab on my way out the door.  Regardless- it is 10:13 AM, and one co-worker has already cried at me, another is hiding in the warehouse "cleaning" (because it hasn't happened for 3 years, so today is the perfect time to do that), and I've dropped f-bombs on Sabine's wall because the bracelets she posted a picture of annoyed me because they are probably a really great idea and that makes me sad.

So instead of telling you what is on my mind, which includes things like Craigslist Ads Inspired by God (there's a true story there), how flighty artists annoy the Bejeebus out of me (though I was saved by amazing non-flighty artist Boompoet, who is now my favorite person until at least close of business today), and how all this annoying week-ness is really getting in the way of the weekend GETTING HERE already.... I'm going to tell you what I told Sabine earlier:

I don't wish to explain how it is that I came to google "Extreme Ironing", but I did. That's the high point of my morning.

You're Welcome.

I'm going to babble now.

Do you ever notice how things have a tendency to come up out of nowhere and then suddenly repeat themselves in different parts of your life?  It doesn't have to be a deep something. In the past two weeks, I've had at least 6 unconnected people mention in conversation how much they love Count Chocula.  I've also had a book and a subject come up repeatedly in the past little bit.  The book is Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom.  When it came up for the 4th time in as many days this morning I went ahead and Kindle'd it - it may not be coming up for a reason but at the very least, I trust the taste of those people who are reading it and seemingly getting something out of it.  That's easy.

The subject? Not as easy.  For some reason the theme of full disclosure and internet privacy and personal openness keep coming up, and they're tangling themselves in such a way that they can't be isolated separately, at least not in my little brain.  I've tried to sit here and write out my thoughts but all I really get is a convoluted tangle so apparently, it isn't really ready to be written about... we'll just call this a bookmark and maybe I'll get back to it later.  Or not. I seem to be expert at saying "I should write about that!" and then promptly not doing it.  Or even belatedly not doing it... anyhow.  We'll see. It gets thinks, though. Lots of thinks.

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I'm officially counting down now, by the way. I'm on an airplane in 48 hours.  Squee!

Pizza, Tiki Bowls,and Nude Hose

The Scholars' College Reunion was this weekend. Unlike many schools, we don't do class years - we just do the entire damn college every 5 years.  Anyhow- I had an amazing time.  Walking to campus from Brent and Jeanie's was nostalgic (I used to walk that route, as I rented part of the duplex across the street from them for a bit, and before that I was at their house all the time anyway).  Walking home? Not as nostalgic. Turns out they've fenced in the impound lot AND fixed the cemetery's fencing so that sneaking out the back is harder than it once was but we worked it out.  It wasn't very much of a shortcut but it was scenic.  It turns out that Tiki Bowls still taste like Pineapple Juice, we're still more excited by "You Never Even Called me by My Name" than by most other songs, and reports indicate that current Scholars' students still arrange themselves around the table based on who actually read the text.  Thank God for things that never change!  Furthermore, my souvenirs from the weekend include t-shirts, a brick with a plaque on it, and a railroad spike, which also indicates that not much has changed about my sentimentality.  John as Sara's plus one did a great job of ferrying us around, babysitting purses, tolerating inside jokes that weren't applicable to him, and hanging out in a college kid bar.

Sunday after Jhan's family and John got on the road, the rest of us took off in the Firebird to take some pictures around town.  There was Public Indecency at the Train Station, possible violations of "no skating" rules downtown, and we're not going to talk about the cannon at all, but we did have a ton of fun.  Such a ton of fun was had that I made it home, sent a text that said I didn't need any recovery time because I felt great!... and promptly passed out in the Comfy Chair with a pile of cats for an hour and a half.

I'm hoping for an easy - and fast - week this week.  I'm rolling into it pretty damn happy with the state of the me in general and all recovered from the weekend with only a pile of laundry and a sewing project to keep me occupied until the next weekend gets here - which I am anticipating eagerly.

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I spent way too much time dwelling on this earlier.  Kinda creepy, eh (the link, not the dwelling)?