2012 in Instant Messages

Once you take out all of the good dirt, there's not really that much left... but I really didn't want to do the annual recap. Instead, things that made me smile out of my chatlogs.

January 5, 2012

James: free tattoos , too good to be true
me: Oh come on. No sense of adventure.
James: just dont share it with the local medieval group
me: THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

January 30, 2012

Sabine: So something with eclectic in the title? eccentric? bizarre? f'n nuts?
legitmatized whores?
me: Eclectic is fine. Eccentric is OK. f'n nuts should be the surprise. The gift-with-purchase.

February 27, 2012

Becca: gulf wars?
Me: Nope! New job started today!

March 30, 2012

Sabine: you need to choose a cover photo for your fanpage
me: meh. Done.
Sabine: nice ass
me: I know RIGHT?

May 8, 2012:

me: Yesterday, I saw that Diamond Jack's had, as far as I could tell, overcharged my debit card by $15 from dinner Saturday. So I went home and got my receipt. Now today, that amount that had been charged as $15 over shows as the proper amount... so I don't get to call and yell at somebody and that really makes me mad.
Sabine: I feel ya, making that Amazon chick feel like shit was the most rewarding thing I've done in a month.
me: jealous.
Sabine: Although drowning gummi bears in a bottle vodka was a close second.
me: I'm still feeling precarious about that one. I thought that last time we declared boozy gummis to be an epic fail?
Sabine: I have no recollection of doing this before. And these fuckers are amazing.
me: awesome. Maybe it was everclear, then? The gummis melted and we basically had flammable jelly. Like napalm with faces here and there.
Sabine: Yeah with these I took a 3 pound bag of bears and fed them a bottle of vodka. A few days later I fed them another bottle of vodka. And yesterday I fed them a can of fruit punch concentrate with only half the water added to it.
And you stir every day. Twice a day.
me: that sounds far more well planned than whatever it was we did.
Ian was involved...
Sabine: I feel like I've been raising gremlins in my refrigerator.
me: how cute!

June 11

Me (To EvilSara): Greensmoke batteries do not like to go swimming.
JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

June 12

me: Sometimes I wish I could be convinced to give a damn about Dr. Who or Battlestar Galactica. I think life would just be easier. But you know what? I don't. And here's a bonus tidbit- I don't give a fuck about Firefly, either.
Wow, that felt good.
Sabine: I'm actually trying really hard to give a damn about Dr. Who. It is a challenge.
me: I tried.

July 25

me: Palmer referred me to friends getting married. They're having a Superhero themed wedding and a fight is going to break out during the ceremony.
Sabine: AWESOME. take notes, my wedding has to top ALL weddings.
me: Yes, dear.
Between the glitter cannon and Holy making you exchange blood with your husband, I'm sure it will win.
Sabine: And don't forget at least 2 musical numbers.
Cause 3 would be overkill.

August 23

Bri: I just might light a match if he fell in a pool of kerosene. But I wouldn't pour the pool.
me: That's what teamwork is for. I totally would.

September 4:

Becca: Dante called me and told me he needs more freedom. and a car.
I'm not sure how he's going to drive, but i didn't think it was my place to ask.
me: Dante can have a car when he gets his grades up.

September 27

Krak: guess who won a lotto prize?!
$4!!
yay
I turned down Whataburger
I feel like I've betrayed myself
Are you ok today special friend?? Do I need to come up there and make cheer happen?
me: Sweet jesus, I'm sorry. Since switching to Pidgen, it's not notifying me.
Like, there's nothing FLASHING.
I am good. And I am thrilled that you won the lotto and so dissapointed that neither one of us had a cheeseburger.
I have a facebook convo on my wall... "name 3 things you can buy at wal-mart that will inspire the cashier to call the cops."
"WD-40, duct tape, athletic supporter." "Koolaid, ant poison, dixie cups." "Safety glasses, dog collar, knee pads." "Adult diapers, children's toy doctor kit, rubberbands." "Doggie chew toy, enema, jumper cables."
I'm glad to know I keep classy company.
Krak: that you do
I don't get the wd 40 one
I'm not SURE I do either.
I don't know that person, though. Maybe there's a back story.
 "Rubber gloves, blue tarp, duct tape." That one, I like.
Krak: I would go with shotgun shells, needle nose pliers, lengths of pipe
oh but you'd also need duct tape
I'm no good a 3 item anarchy
me: can you get pipe at wal mart?
Krak: pvc
which also explodes rather nicely
ok, right on.
if I could add metal army men, that shit would be DEADLY
me: *snort*
Krak: I could do a lot more at Home Depot
me: I mean, you can get Fertilizer AND a blowtorch at Home Depot.

October 3

Jenny: http://www.barackobama.com/debate/find-a-debate-party
Jenny: did you know these existed?
me: No, but I found this last night: http://www.debatedrinking.com/
now to combine the two... debate drinking with strangers from the internet! Sounds like a project for Craigslist.
Jenny: bahahahaha

October 29

Sabine: http://www.copylicious.com/2010/08/an-introverts-guide-to-spontaneous-departures/
me: ...cheesy bread???
Sabine: true f'n story

October 30

Denise: lol
i hurt
fish tacos
and tacos with white sauce
me: with sour cream!
Denise: and tacos with yogurt
me: I know. Jenny came in right as I was getting that shit ready to share FAR AND WIDE.
I decided against FB...
largely because I don't need my 68 year old aunt saying "I don't get it? You LOVE Fish Tacos!"
Denise: lol
yeah you do
me: Nah, I thought about it. I don't.
BLOG POST.
Denise: YES!

November 27

me: I just went to "Gizoogle.com" and put in my blog's URL. Though the translation requires me to highlight words to read them, that shit is AMAZING. Clearly, I'd be much cooler if I were gangsta.
Denise: lol
its trying to make me translate it to spanish
wtf
me: Ok, well, I have no answer for that.
Denise: gizoogle.net
just sayin
me: WHATEVER.
Denise: it matters!!!
me: 3 letters? 3 letters never matter that much.
Denise: 800 vs 888
:O
me: Well, I usually round up.

November 27

me: Ermagerrrrd... I am TIRED today.
And EMO.
Jenny: im sore too!
me: I'm only a little sore. Stupid shoulder, again, mostly.
My thighs are kinda tight, but nothing crazy.
http://gawker.com/5963405/not-even-kidding-hidden-camera-show-pulls-scariest-elevator-prank-ever
OH HELL NO.
Jenny: bahahahaha
me: I'd die.
Jenny: i would be like those girls huddled in the corner
me: TRUTH.
Jennifer: that girl probably had a great time
me: I'm just glad that nobody decided to kick the shit out of her.
  'Cause I might.
Oh god. Bruce just came to see what was wrong with me because this made me laugh so hard. http://www.buzzfeed.com/zekejmiller/chinese-website-congratulates-kim-jong-un-on-being
Jenny: lol, awww the onion has caused quite a few people to be confused
me: Satire is hard.

December 6

me: Amazon recommends: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0762444142/ref=s9_simh_co_p14_d3_i6?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-2&pf_rd_r=1103FQN70EFNAPV00SWF&pf_rd_t=3201&pf_rd_p=1280661782&pf_rd_i=typ01
W. T. F. ?
Jenny: baHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
me: Buy it in a set with Bi-Curious George!
Jenny: and now that is in my browsing history! damn you sarah
me: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!