I get cranky when I'm sick.

5 people just made my "stab you in the eye with a stick" list for "liking" my sickness.

Clearly, I need to be in bed with some nice hot gluten-free soup... which, for the record?  Isn't nice.

With free advice, you get what you pay for...

So, some time back (in 2011, to be specific) I was soliciting my SmartGirls for blogprompts and Peeps sent me a few. I promptly didn't use them, but here's one now!

Peeps asked:

I would love to see a breakdown of times when it's ok to get trashy and times when it's never ok to get trashy. I mean like dress and manners and dancing that is definitely not ballroom. I need help letting my hair down from time to time, and other people need help pinning theirs into a tidy chignon.

I am not choosing to interpret this as a "how do I dress up from work or dress down for a nightclub" question.  Cosmo, Glamour, or any other chick magazine have you covered there.  I am assuming, rather, that you want to know when it is acceptible to break out the stripper heels, the fishnets, the cleavage-enhancing bra and the red lipstick - ALL AT ONCE - and not be judged for it by your peers.

TAKE YOUR PEERS WITH YOU.

It is more fun to be a dancing tramp in a herd. One girl looking like a skank is a warning signal.  Three or more? That's a good time, and there might be a story there.  If the non-skanks in da club ask what's going on, have some fun with it. Tell them that in honor of the 20th annivarsary of Married with Children's debut on Fox, you decided to host a Peg Bundy Appreciation Party.  Or actually host a Peg Bundy Appreciation party and forget needing a good story.  Write your own... then send me pictures.

As to "when not"?  We're grownups.  I prefer to consider whether children or "normal" grandparents will be present.  If the answer is yes, then the answer to the SkankGear is "no."

The hazards of being my friend: Unicorns, Musical Theatre, Sarcasm.

(1:24:52 PM) Sarah: Friday, Feb. 8. 7:30. Avenue Q in Shreveport. You in?
(1:25:01 PM) Denise: .....
(1:25:01 PM) Denise: Avenue !
(1:25:04 PM) Denise: Q
(1:25:05 PM) Denise: ?
(1:26:02 PM) Sarah: YES
(1:26:10 PM) Sarah : Telllll me you know what I am talking about.
(1:26:15 PM) Denise: ......
(1:26:17 PM) Denise: um
(1:26:22 PM) Denise: stand by
(1:27:14 PM) Denise: well that seems interesting

And then.....


(1:29:49 PM) Sarah: Friday, Feb. 8. 7:30. Avenue Q in Shreveport. You in?
(1:30:00 PM) Sarah: Your heathen girlfriend isn't familiar with Ave Q.
(1:30:13 PM) Jennifer: is that a band?
(1:30:23 PM) Sarah: *sobs and wails*

And then Krak knew what I meant, and so thus, I was ok, because she did point out something...

(1:43:07 PM) Krak: they got the home depot genes not the musical theater

But then....

Sarah: taking some of the girls for Avenue Q on the night of the 8thJames: was that spose to come to meIsn't Avenue Q the dress store
Sarah: ...............musical
puppets
"The Internet is for Porn"?
James: puppets are more illegal than porn here.

Sounds like it's time for a "Get your ass cultured" field trip!

What do you do, indeed....

Second and 3rd shows of 2013; a bunch of other stuff, too!

Monday morning met me with trying to think of one solid and viable reason for why I should call in sick to work.  It was dreary... and I am capital-T Tired.

Friday Morning: Ortho Appointment

Thank the Sweet Gods of Roller Derby, I get to skate again. I've got to hold back on full contact for a week or two but that's ok; I can at least roll, which is enough for now.  My team has been hitting the ground running on endurance and skills this season, and I am very eager to catch up- and now I can.  Glory-be.  I feel like I ought to erect a small alter in the names of Quadzilla and Suzy Hotrod or something, and sacrifice bearings to it monthly.  Or maybe I should just freakin' skate.

Friday Night: Show at the Man Cave on Dalzell Street:  The Rusty Shacklefords, Midnight Tiger, Blood Punch.

The man cave used to be an efficiency apartment behind a residence. Now it has been turned into a practice space by some folks with some serious love for reusing and recycling carpet and carpet insulation... the addition of such on the walls and ceiling definitely gives it a certain vibe.  This was not a hugely advertised free, all ages show, but the bonus is that only about 15 people can fit into the venue, so that worked out.

The Shax did a great set despite Eric being a little out of his element on a borrowed drum kit (a move to keep space free, due to the size of the place).  Midnight Tiger was a band I was unfamiliar with; I'd heard lead vocalist Dylan as a drummer and Mike on guitar with other local bands but had not heard this group before (and I have no idea who the bassist was, though I'm sure he's a very nice person).  I've gotta say they were more metal than I was expecting and the sound was tight even if I couldn't follow the lyrics for the most part.  Blood Punch I was also entirely unfamiliar with; a three-part Hip Hop group with some fun lyrics.  We didn't stick around through their entire set; I was getting claustrophobic and Eric was feeling bad, so we abandoned Dalzell and found food and then rallied later for beers at Strange Brew, where there was no live music but I found an Erdinger hefeweisen and Misti found Peach Lamic, and a Ghost Hunter met up with us and a good time was had by all until Strange Brew closed.

TCK League Meeting:  ALL DAMN DAY Saturday

Good work got done. I'm not a president anymore!  Now I'm a secretary, and that's better, I think.  This was followed by a glorious nap and a thought that I'd just lay around and read, but instead...

Saturday Night: Noble Savage:  Everyday People

I decided to head downtown to catch a group I've heard of for ages but never seen.  I declined the menu and found myself another hefe, though I can't recall which one, now. Pity, it was good.  I had an absolutely wonderful time reading my kindle app (American Gods, finally) and listening to a really good brassy band with a jazzy rock vibe and being grateful that the Savage is the kind of place where you can enjoy an introverted moment while still being in a social setting.  Eventually I was found by a couple of the Ghost Hunters, and it was another late night, but Sunday was able to be a mostly chill day, so it worked out.

...and then my email ads tried to sell me fake macaroni, and I suddenly hated the world.

I started the Gluten Free clinical PKD study yesterday.

Compared to the Tolviptan study, this is a cake walk (HA! No cake. EVER).  That study had an awful lot of guidelines and checkups and MRIs and fatigue and work.  It was also a paid study.

The GF study is not paid; it is completely voluntary. I signed on for two months of honest food logging (and I can use Sparkpeople for that); weekly weigh-ins, and a round of pre-and-post bloodwork and ultrasounds.  I don't have to avoid items that are processed in gluten-y facilities, and if I fall off the wagon I'm just supposed to be honest, recover, roll on.  It's basically like getting to do Weight Watchers with the same accountability factors and no actual paying for Weight Watchers!  SCORE, right?  I mean, Yay! Renal Health! and all, but I really wouldn't be sad if I lost the 20-ish lbs I've gained back since I quit WW.

No beer.
No whiskey.
No bread.
No pasta.
No cake.
No breaded fried things.

But hey... bananas have no gluten. I love bananas!
Bananas are boring.

I planned on doing a bit of prep for this, but with holidays and my dad being over and everybody in the damn WORLD having the flu, I'll admit that I did not spend the weekend thoughtfully poring over GF cookbooks and writing immaculate menus and pre-cooking garbanzo beans.  I spent it eating pizza, drinking beer, and napping, and I played some games with some friends and the nephews.  It ended up being a good weekend but Monday morning I was not so prepared.

#1 piece of advice given to baby GFers?  "Keep almonds in your purse!"

Oh, yeah.... I'm allergic to those.

So yesterday, I ended up eating all day and feeling the presence of my bread-addicted tapeworm despite it. The internet/books say that that is a normal product of the transition, but I didn't think I was all that gluten dependent to start with. I'm probably completely wrong, of course.  Today is feeling better; I made wiser morning decisions and packed a survival kit of peanuts and carrots and a banana.  I am trying to completely ignore GF Convenience Foods; they'll probably taste like hippies, and if I can work on culling out as much processed stuff as possible I'll at least be able to feel smug, which is important with a big challenge.  I may try to con Aarin into baking some GF bread at some point, but I think I'm just going to view this as a form of Paleo and see what happens.

First show of 2013 - punk night at the Rustic Cowboy

The Rusty Shacklefords, Social Bliss, and Prestor John
1/5/13 
The Rustic Cowboy, Keithville, LA

True story, as discovered when I was discussing this show via text earlier in the week- my phone autocorrects "Keithville" as "Amtyville."


The Rustic Cowboy is about as appropriate as a bar name can be.  It's very, very rural.

It's the sort of bar where the bouncer will tell your friends that he's a Neo-Nazi like it's not a bad thing. It's also a bar with a killer setup.  I've heard all three of these bands before and haven't heard any of them sound so great.

The Rusty Shacklefords

Social Bliss

Prestor John

So, my final review is that the sound system is amazing and some of the staff is awesome, but it's still kind of unfortunate that Bob's Country Bunker (sans chickenwire) still has a home in the 21st Century.  A few of the natives were fine, but an awful lot of them had the Amityville vibe.  I wouldn't go back alone, to say the least.

Medusa and I also got to spend a little bit of time discussing whether or not we wanted to make an honest go at trying to get a One Billion Rising event going with a deadline of 2/14, or if we wouldn't be better off trying to start on that for next year while looking at a Slut Walk for later this year.  I am mildly concerned about being able to get permits and such for the latter, but we both think that since it has had more publicity and people have at least HEARD of Slut Walks, we might be able to get some support.

2012 in Instant Messages

Once you take out all of the good dirt, there's not really that much left... but I really didn't want to do the annual recap. Instead, things that made me smile out of my chatlogs.

January 5, 2012

James: free tattoos , too good to be true
me: Oh come on. No sense of adventure.
James: just dont share it with the local medieval group
me: THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

January 30, 2012

Sabine: So something with eclectic in the title? eccentric? bizarre? f'n nuts?
legitmatized whores?
me: Eclectic is fine. Eccentric is OK. f'n nuts should be the surprise. The gift-with-purchase.

February 27, 2012

Becca: gulf wars?
Me: Nope! New job started today!

March 30, 2012

Sabine: you need to choose a cover photo for your fanpage
me: meh. Done.
Sabine: nice ass
me: I know RIGHT?

May 8, 2012:

me: Yesterday, I saw that Diamond Jack's had, as far as I could tell, overcharged my debit card by $15 from dinner Saturday. So I went home and got my receipt. Now today, that amount that had been charged as $15 over shows as the proper amount... so I don't get to call and yell at somebody and that really makes me mad.
Sabine: I feel ya, making that Amazon chick feel like shit was the most rewarding thing I've done in a month.
me: jealous.
Sabine: Although drowning gummi bears in a bottle vodka was a close second.
me: I'm still feeling precarious about that one. I thought that last time we declared boozy gummis to be an epic fail?
Sabine: I have no recollection of doing this before. And these fuckers are amazing.
me: awesome. Maybe it was everclear, then? The gummis melted and we basically had flammable jelly. Like napalm with faces here and there.
Sabine: Yeah with these I took a 3 pound bag of bears and fed them a bottle of vodka. A few days later I fed them another bottle of vodka. And yesterday I fed them a can of fruit punch concentrate with only half the water added to it.
And you stir every day. Twice a day.
me: that sounds far more well planned than whatever it was we did.
Ian was involved...
Sabine: I feel like I've been raising gremlins in my refrigerator.
me: how cute!

June 11

Me (To EvilSara): Greensmoke batteries do not like to go swimming.
JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

June 12

me: Sometimes I wish I could be convinced to give a damn about Dr. Who or Battlestar Galactica. I think life would just be easier. But you know what? I don't. And here's a bonus tidbit- I don't give a fuck about Firefly, either.
Wow, that felt good.
Sabine: I'm actually trying really hard to give a damn about Dr. Who. It is a challenge.
me: I tried.

July 25

me: Palmer referred me to friends getting married. They're having a Superhero themed wedding and a fight is going to break out during the ceremony.
Sabine: AWESOME. take notes, my wedding has to top ALL weddings.
me: Yes, dear.
Between the glitter cannon and Holy making you exchange blood with your husband, I'm sure it will win.
Sabine: And don't forget at least 2 musical numbers.
Cause 3 would be overkill.

August 23

Bri: I just might light a match if he fell in a pool of kerosene. But I wouldn't pour the pool.
me: That's what teamwork is for. I totally would.

September 4:

Becca: Dante called me and told me he needs more freedom. and a car.
I'm not sure how he's going to drive, but i didn't think it was my place to ask.
me: Dante can have a car when he gets his grades up.

September 27

Krak: guess who won a lotto prize?!
$4!!
yay
I turned down Whataburger
I feel like I've betrayed myself
Are you ok today special friend?? Do I need to come up there and make cheer happen?
me: Sweet jesus, I'm sorry. Since switching to Pidgen, it's not notifying me.
Like, there's nothing FLASHING.
I am good. And I am thrilled that you won the lotto and so dissapointed that neither one of us had a cheeseburger.
I have a facebook convo on my wall... "name 3 things you can buy at wal-mart that will inspire the cashier to call the cops."
"WD-40, duct tape, athletic supporter." "Koolaid, ant poison, dixie cups." "Safety glasses, dog collar, knee pads." "Adult diapers, children's toy doctor kit, rubberbands." "Doggie chew toy, enema, jumper cables."
I'm glad to know I keep classy company.
Krak: that you do
I don't get the wd 40 one
I'm not SURE I do either.
I don't know that person, though. Maybe there's a back story.
 "Rubber gloves, blue tarp, duct tape." That one, I like.
Krak: I would go with shotgun shells, needle nose pliers, lengths of pipe
oh but you'd also need duct tape
I'm no good a 3 item anarchy
me: can you get pipe at wal mart?
Krak: pvc
which also explodes rather nicely
ok, right on.
if I could add metal army men, that shit would be DEADLY
me: *snort*
Krak: I could do a lot more at Home Depot
me: I mean, you can get Fertilizer AND a blowtorch at Home Depot.

October 3

Jenny: http://www.barackobama.com/debate/find-a-debate-party
Jenny: did you know these existed?
me: No, but I found this last night: http://www.debatedrinking.com/
now to combine the two... debate drinking with strangers from the internet! Sounds like a project for Craigslist.
Jenny: bahahahaha

October 29

Sabine: http://www.copylicious.com/2010/08/an-introverts-guide-to-spontaneous-departures/
me: ...cheesy bread???
Sabine: true f'n story

October 30

Denise: lol
i hurt
fish tacos
and tacos with white sauce
me: with sour cream!
Denise: and tacos with yogurt
me: I know. Jenny came in right as I was getting that shit ready to share FAR AND WIDE.
I decided against FB...
largely because I don't need my 68 year old aunt saying "I don't get it? You LOVE Fish Tacos!"
Denise: lol
yeah you do
me: Nah, I thought about it. I don't.
BLOG POST.
Denise: YES!

November 27

me: I just went to "Gizoogle.com" and put in my blog's URL. Though the translation requires me to highlight words to read them, that shit is AMAZING. Clearly, I'd be much cooler if I were gangsta.
Denise: lol
its trying to make me translate it to spanish
wtf
me: Ok, well, I have no answer for that.
Denise: gizoogle.net
just sayin
me: WHATEVER.
Denise: it matters!!!
me: 3 letters? 3 letters never matter that much.
Denise: 800 vs 888
:O
me: Well, I usually round up.

November 27

me: Ermagerrrrd... I am TIRED today.
And EMO.
Jenny: im sore too!
me: I'm only a little sore. Stupid shoulder, again, mostly.
My thighs are kinda tight, but nothing crazy.
http://gawker.com/5963405/not-even-kidding-hidden-camera-show-pulls-scariest-elevator-prank-ever
OH HELL NO.
Jenny: bahahahaha
me: I'd die.
Jenny: i would be like those girls huddled in the corner
me: TRUTH.
Jennifer: that girl probably had a great time
me: I'm just glad that nobody decided to kick the shit out of her.
  'Cause I might.
Oh god. Bruce just came to see what was wrong with me because this made me laugh so hard. http://www.buzzfeed.com/zekejmiller/chinese-website-congratulates-kim-jong-un-on-being
Jenny: lol, awww the onion has caused quite a few people to be confused
me: Satire is hard.

December 6

me: Amazon recommends: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0762444142/ref=s9_simh_co_p14_d3_i6?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-2&pf_rd_r=1103FQN70EFNAPV00SWF&pf_rd_t=3201&pf_rd_p=1280661782&pf_rd_i=typ01
W. T. F. ?
Jenny: baHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
me: Buy it in a set with Bi-Curious George!
Jenny: and now that is in my browsing history! damn you sarah
me: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!