Screw it. Time to put down some roots.

Lots has happened.

I sold a house. Turned 35. Bought a house. My father passed away... there's been family drama, and mourning, and sadness and some words that can't be taken back. I had a surgery. I got depressed and spent a lot of time sleeping, gained some weight, and relied way too much on friends to keep me afloat and remind me to eat.

The entire month of March, and part of April is a complete fog.  I know that things happened and I have some recollection of bits, but for the most part, I retained not much and I don't really think that's a bad thing. 

Today, though... today is May 1.  I don't find particular relevance in Beltane, normally, but I do get that it's the time for rebirth and renewal and fertility and new shit, and I guess I'm at a good place to try to grab onto that, even if it's just seasonally appropriate and not particularly spiritually infused.

This garden is imperfect. There's not a square corner to it (nor is it square to the house).  It's sturdy, and strong, and soon it will have the first part of my spring garden situated in it's walls, just as soon as I get more dirt and peat moss into it and level it out.  It ain't pretty but it will be useful, and I did it entirely on my own, and I find some value in that, even if it's in having done it somewhat wrong.  

The wine tree behind it was a gift from a family who loves me- it got planted last night, too.  I'm looking forward to watching it's blooms.  Hell, I heard rumor that a blue flower might be blooming on it today.

Roots, ya'll.

January Wrapup....

Funeral Services: 2
Live shows enjoyed: 4
Pounds lost: 19.8
SCA Events stewarded: 1
Houses sold: 1
Time spent reading: avg of 22 minutes per day
Time spent creating art: avg of 18 minutes per day

On 2/1, I moved out of my house.

On 2/2, I met the house I want to move into next.

A whirlwind weekend of music and art, a roadtrip, and a bicycle (Shows 1-3 of 2014).

The first weekend of 2014 brought me....

A late night Friday. The Ian Quiet Band was hitting the stage at AMP at Mojo's, which is a no-cover-charge, Jam-as-you-like musician's session thing.  The talent there has been great the few times I've hit it.  To hone their set for Saturday in Monroe, IQB did 4 songs as part of the showcase.  Coconut Donut, With or Without You, Mommy Got a Tramp Stamp, and.... oh. Something else. I cannot remember what the first song was!  They sounded great.  The other artists sounded great. We left when the very talented Blues guitarist who went up a few sets later was doing a great job of rocking us to sleep with his smooth riffs... very good, but we weren't ready to sleep yet!  So, we headed to The Boot.

Now, I'm not going to claim practices that I can't, but I was taking it very easy on the alcohol. I had two beers early in the evening, then was nursing water for the rest of the evening.  The Boot is not a bar that I've ever enjoyed soberly at 2 AM.  The Boot is also my Case-in-Point example for my belief that nothing good ever happens past 2 AM in Downtown Shreveport.  However, I was enjoying time out with wonderful people, and it was too early for the night to end.  We watched some horrendous karaoke and I watched a friend exercise a Machiavellian approach to flirting that was pretty damn adorable.  I wanted to stick around to hear Katrina and Ian belt out "Just a Girl" but I had to get myself to bed.

An Early Saturday. Well, I went to bed around 3:30, so 9:00 FELT early!  I fed myself a good breakfast then took out for a ride.  I wrecked my bike on the first and banged myself up a bit, but got the broken parts repaired pretty easily, so I didn't want to not ride on such a pretty day.  I logged 8 miles.  Highland is aptly named.... fucking hills. HILLS. Everywhere.  My ride took me into downtown, along Clyde Fant, and then back towards home via the neighborhoods around Shreveport-Barksdale.  It was a meandering route with no real intention other than to ride.  Came home, did a bit of sewing, and took a nap to prepare myself for...

A Late Night Saturday.  I checked out Ian's solo show at the Karpele's Manuscript Museum.  Now... as a museum, I'm not impressed with their current collection. I went to see it last weekend with a friend who was in town, and it was a little underwhelming. As a cool old converted church, though, it's tops.  The acoustics are great, and his show was good though it's my opinion that the audience didn't know whether to behave as though we were at church, or at a concert.  The crowd response was very muted and I think that the ambience turned everyone more introspective than a normal show would have caused.  They did a screening of The Hummingbird, a film starring Ian from the Louisiana Film Prize competition last year, and I really enjoyed it though I was expecting something FAR happier and lighter, for some reason.  Then he played a few songs on the pipe organ, and that was amazing.  More of that, please!
I then stepped in and acted as his Road Manager to get his adoring fanbase held at bay because we were on a mission.  We took off to meet the rest of the band, got everyone into cars, and headed to Sal's Saloon in Monroe (with a brief stop to pay homage to the Duck Commander Headquarters, because exercising free speech is important to us, too).

That's an album cover if ever there was one...

The show KILLED.  The introduction of a theramin to some of their songs was great, and well-placed.  The vocals were clear and powerful.  I can't tell you the setlist, but it was excellent, and was also laid down on a recording by the Very Friendly Sound Guy.  Prestor John was also a super-treat to see, and their set was likewise, stellar.  The 3rd band, Mailbomber... well, not my speed. Good, but not what I was in the mood for.  We took off, hit a What-a-Burger (best grilled cheese sandwich of my life, I swear), and I made it into my bed at 4:30 AM.  A car full of drunk people made the right home quite entertaining, and it passed quickly.

And then...

Seriously, Sunday morning?  9 AM?  9?????  No. Too early.  But, I was awake and the boycats wanted breakfast.  I had the great ambition of riding to the Line Avenue Brookshire's, but by the time I made it to King's had determined that I was just not going to get warm enough. I went to that Brookshire's instead, and only rode about 3 miles, round trip.  I took a nap. I sewed, and got my loom warped, and I spent the evening with friends all engaged in crafts in my tiny apartment listening to what James called the "Best of Roller Rink Music: 90s mix."  I wrapped up the night with a sweet cozy cat pile and a book before a solid night's sleep.

If all of the weekends of 2014 could be just like this one, I would not complain.

Still here.

Upon discovering that Tony Perkins is now going to be involved with the Louisiana Law Enforcement Commission, the girls and I took a moment to figure out where we should move to.

California seems to be winning.

Words for the sake of words.

So, I'm searching for something totally legit and completely work related earlier, and this happened:

And I thought to myself "damn, it's a shame I don't blog anymore, because I could find something deep and meaningful and funny to say about why America is fat."

And then Krak and I discussed that clearly, after your half pound of weed you'd WANT a half pound burger on a buttered cake bun, because you're fat and high (and it's obviously been long enough since college that neither of us remember that you'd actually be trying to con people into making you ramen, not getting ambitious and baking or cooking)...

And then I gave myself a guilt trip, and here we are, putting something into text and publishing just in hopes that perhaps that action triggers the muscle memory of loving to blog, and maybe then tomorrow or the next day there will be things worth reading.

It is not that I do not have things to say.  I have ALL the things to say.  I'm just maybe not ready to say them just yet.

Don't get me wrong. Nothing particularly catastrophic or deep is going on.  I'm trying to sell my house and have un-hoarded approximately 1/4-1/3 of my possessions, and I do not miss one of them.  For anybody keeping score, though, that now means that if I move into a smaller place than my current 4 bedroom home, I'm still possibly going to have "too much."

I've moved to Shreveport, to a tiny and cozy apartment that will serve as my transitional home between the house to sell and the next one to buy. Once I'm done futzing around in Benton to actually get the place listed and that turns into a matter of "keep it dusted, pay the lawn guy," I'm going to have so much more free time, and I'm going to love it.  I do not love it yet.  Currently, I feel like I'm living through the biggest, time-eatingest, pain-in-the-assiest project OF MY LIFE.

I'm also coming to terms with the notion that "derby girl" is less of a "what I am" and more of a "what I was", though I'm enjoying being a coach, an announcer, and I'm aspiring to ref.  It's just that the whole PCL/MCL thing going on my leg is maybe not ever going to be up to full contact again unless I want a surgery, and I don't.

And maybe one day I'll talk about those things.  Here's hoping.

The Dalai Lama; Musical Events # 19-21; A Very Long Nap.

A quick glance at my Google Calendar tells me that I REALLY dropped the ball on updating the whosits and whatsits of where I've been and what I've been doing.

Oops.

Last weekend, Krak, Nate and I headed to NOLA for two days of public talks by the Dalai Lama.  For the most part I left the phone ignored so I could try to be present in the moment, and for the most part, it worked.  I did not get dozens of blurry photos of maroon robe and shiny bald head, but I don't think anybody is sad about that.  I did get a wall hanging from the Drepung Monks which I have yet to get put up in my office.  Aside from the talks, the weekend featured some DAMN fine food and friends and a lesson in learning the New Orleans Transit System as we decided to stay on the West Bank and take busses/streetcars to get around.

Salt N Pepper - I'm pretty sure this is a converted convenience store.  We had some AMAZING Indian food.  Nate ordered the Chicken Masala and the sauce was toe-curlingly good.  I had a religious experience with some goat (not A goat, which would be an entirely different situation).  I do not remember what Krak ordered but it was delish as well.  They also feature gyros and pizza, which we did not try.

So, that was the pre-Dalai Lama meal on Friday.  Then there was the talk, the navigating of the bus lines back to our hotel on the West Bank.  Shower. Nap. Sent Nate and Krak out on supersexy date night and got myself ready to go out with a great friend who first took me to Jagerhaus and then to ALL the fun Quarter places, including the Carousel for random drink roulette and Fat Cats(?) for a band and dancing and beverages and it was nice. The band was fun. No clue what their name was, actually, but they were enjoyable and we were there for several songs, so they make up #19 on this year's list --- Random New Orleans House Bar.
Home again for a 4-day work week, and then....

#20

Black Flag/ Good For You/ Mind Spiders

Shit, kids. I was NOT prepared for this.

So, I went into this tired. Didn't sleep Thursday night, loaded into the car with Misti, Eric, and Zakk (three of the 4 Rusty Shacklefords), drank ALL the caffeine and wore not the smartest boots.  Despite feeling like we were "running late" we weren't. We got to the venue in time to get in, buy merch, have a beer, and leisurely wait for the Mind Spiders to take the stage.  We established our spots on the railing and enjoyed their show.  They clearly had a local following present and they were good but I can't remember anything that especially stood out.  

Good For You is- and I didn't know this going in- the same exact lineup as Black Flag with the exception of Mike Vallely as lead vocalist instead of Chavo.  Also, Greg Ginn plays a theremin as well as the guitar, and now I want a theremin.  I'd not heard a peep of Good For You but of the three acts, they were my favorite.  Really awesome energy, strong lyrics, and a motherfucking theremin.

So, there's then a long intermission and Black Flag takes the stage, and the shit promptly got real.  I am used to frenzied concert crowds but sweet Jesus, I do not think I've ever dealt with a band with such a HUGE devoted following.  I got very claustrophobic very quickly and was about to hit the wall of "THIS IS NOT FUN", but thanks to the location we were at, was able to kind of sneak behind the stage barrier just a bit.  Fortunately, security was unconcerned-- they were busy paying attention to the crowd surfers and mosh pit.

OH HAI THERE!

This was an excellent place to be.

---

So, that was awesome, once the "people touching me" thing was resolved.  The ride home was not friendly on any of us; I pulled into my driveway at 4 AM Saturday morning and was doing good to get my shoes off before passing out.

#21- The Second Annual This Won't Suck

Got up and out of the house by 11 Saturday morning and thought that really did kind of suck, a lot, but I wanted to see the opening act, Das Pretzels, as they came from Zwolle and I felt like I should support the hometown boys.  Had the brilliant presence of mind to take a cooler and a case of water, which was pretty much the only thing that kept me from just falling down dead.  

Das Pretzels was good.  Prestor John's all acoustic "guitar and djimbe" set was AWESOME.  Summit Falls, whom I'd never heard of was also really great.  The two touring bands, Blanket of M and End Hits, were both really tight and the End Hits guys were SUPER nice, too.  Zakk and Sam as "The Regular Jerkoffs" were great and talented and fun and did the longest ode to a blanket I'd ever heard.  Goutbrake was as interesting as ever.  Bland and The Bipolaroids were both good but not my speed, exactly, and both of the Rusty Shax sets were awesome.  My ONLY sadness was that the rain ended up hitting about a song and a half into Social Bliss, which are currently high on my list of favorites, and then Midnight Tiger didn't get to play at all.

SO, I ended up limping into my bed around 11:30 that night, and stayed there until 12 hours later, when I had to get up and get human so that I could head to Monroe to run the scoreboard for a scrimmage bout.  I have feelings about that (the bout, not the scoreboard), but they're not ready to come out, just yet.

All in all, an absolutely perfect couple of weekends that reminded me that while I am not 20 anymore, 20 was not NEARLY as much fun as 34 is.

And now we're caught up!

Hard Shit: Still Hard.

Last weekend, I went to New Orleans with some beloved friends to see the Dalai Lama.  Have you ever been in a room of thousands and felt calm and at peace?  I hadn't. I did. It was amazing.  I'd like to say that I emerged from the weekend at one with my inner ZenMistress, but.... no.

I got some cool mental and emotional tools. I learned some neat stuff.  I let myself relax and enjoy the moment and be present, and was able to not worry about the little things that I normally fixate on, like checking the messages on my phone to make sure nobody NEEDED anything.  I spent a few hours for a few days not thinking about who was looking or judging or seeing or doing, just on my own being.  Pretty cool.  I got to have an absolutely perfect evening out with a great friend, and it was good.  Checking out for the weekend, whether in the context of a spiritual zen trip or just in general, was needed.  My edges were getting frayed, and they got a bit smoothed by the getaway.

Upon my return to The Real World, I am more in touch with the reality that I'm not exactly doing ok.  There are certain benchmarks that I keep an eye on of things that are in-check when I am happy and in a good place, mentally.  Things like making my bed every morning, putting my laundry away quickly, not eating junk.  Well, for the most part I am not eating junk but I'm letting other things slip, or I find myself half-assing them.  I have TIME to do things, but I find myself curling up with a cat and a book because that feels like what my body and mind want to be doing, and I don't have the willpower to say "fuck you, body.  Your ass CAN go do some damn packing."  I don't wanna.  Can't make me.

I feel like I am not keeping up with my "to do" list, and that is demoralizing, but at the same time I do not regret that I have been prioritizing people over things lately.  I've gotten to spend time with awesome people and start working on some great projects.  Surely important, but now I'm caught in the struggle between trying to rationalize my Grasshopper vs. Ant attitudes.  I have had a headache since Sunday.  I've got no energy.  I give my energy to social endeavors and have none left for the boring tedious shit I need to do. It's a problem.

So, clearly, "Do what I want to do" isn't working out so well. I'm finding myself feeling guilty, and I'm not making as much progress as I need and want to toward getting ready to sell my house- as in, absolutely no progress this week.  I'm hoping to use the upcoming weekend as a reset and start scheduling my days a little more strictly.  I'll leave time for social things and fun things and curling up with my cat and my book, but I need to treat some of my necessary projects with the same gravity as a work schedule, I guess.

I just want a nap, first.