If you have ADD and you know it, clap your- MASTADONS!!!!

• There are two gestures that I'm ready to officially outlaw- the fistbump, and the raising of the roof.  In the past 2 weeks (and in a professional setting, no less), I've seen these combined frat-boy actions at least 9 times.  NINE. TIMES.  Surely that makes physical assault at least a little justifiable, yes?
• When one is truly ready to maim in the workplace, it's a sign that it's time to go camping.  Tomorrow is a vacation day so that I might extend my weekend camping trip by a bit, set up my camp in daylight, and help a good friend prepare for our evening's entertainment- a 4-Loko tasting.  Lest that sound declasse, rest assured that we've found the appropriate pairings- I'm bringing 4 varieties of spray cheese, Sabine's got the Bimbo brand snack cakes and Pixie Sticks, and Michelle got the crackers.  There's also a battleship game with shotglasses planned, a wedding, a wake, and shenanigans with glitter, all in the context of a medieval war weekend.
• I'm prepared to cook Thanksgiving dinner for my sister's family and my dad.  I'm sad to say that most of the recipes I'm using (same as last year) are penned by Paula Dean.  There are 4 pounds of butter in my refrigerator... and 5 boxes of cream cheese.  This is probably not the time to mention that in October I set myself a "lose 14 pounds by Christmas" goal, and I'm not quite halfway there.  
• I've been having a TON of fun practicing intimidation techniques in scrimmage practice.  TONS.  Derby in general has been going really well.  The last bout that I was in felt like a turning point in which I started feeling like I was a lot more useful.  Knocking people down is well and good, but I feel like I'm finally able to contribute something real in the "fucking with their program" department, which really is the most important part of being on the track for me.  I've also finally gotten transitions figured out- after only 9 months of Not Getting It.  I'm looking forward to next year's season and being more than just a name on a roster and a place holder because, you know, good players need rest.  
• Dylan and I have begun planning our Christmas Vacation to his ancestral homeland (Virginia).  I'm giddily looking forward to being in a car with him for all that driving, as well as the meeting of the kinfolk (I'm pretty sure I shouldn't address them as such), the meeting Washington, DC for the first time that counts, and apparently, you can get 3 bottles of wine for $10.  However, it's going to be balls cold there, so I'm starting knitting now.  I've already made one hat that is too small and one that is too large, so I'm hoping the next one shall be just right.

Second verse, same as the first...

I was sick. First an ear infection, then bronchitis and the other ear got infected.

Then I got better.  Well, I started getting better.  I had a drastic improvement from "feels like death" into "feeling mostly human with a cough."

Then I went to San Diego for a weekend, and it was amazing.

And now I'm sick again.

I'm just glad that I got to go to California and have a lovely bit of vacation with my guy, even if now I'm right back to probable ear infections, and another week of not working out, not skating, and not getting my stupidly massive to-do list done.

MEH.

A happy moment in a sad Wednesday

I had every intention of participating in a M-F version of NaBloPoMo, but then the first of November wasn't much worth talking about.  I'm getting to the point in my work calendar where life goes from "stressful because there's too much work to do" to "stressful because there's not enough money coming into the office." It's a change of tempo, but not much of a condolence.  

This morning I ducked out of the office for a few minutes when the phones got to be too much.  I'd gathered up loose change last night to take it to the Coinstar machine, and so that's what I did. I don't actually try to "collect" change- but it happens.  I'm a pocket-user, and I keep change receptacles on my dresser, in my bathroom, in my car, and on my washing machine. I didn't weigh the nylon shopping bag full of change (and bobby pins, stick pins, buttons, etc...) but I'm guessing it was a 20 lb bag of change. It's been a year or so since I cashed it out.

Anyhow- the gimmick is, you lose 9.8 cents per dollar if you want cash, but gift certificates have no fee taken out.  Christmas is coming and I'm an Amazon addict.  I don't mind getting the gift card to keep almost a tenth of my money!  I scraped my money through the machine, collected my Chuck E Cheese tokens that fell out of the bottom (haven't been there in at least 2 years, maybe 3), and saw that the total money sorted was $10 less than my plane ticket I bought for my trip to San Deigo this weekend.  BANK!  That was happy.... but then the machine was out of Amazon gift cards, so instead of a card I got the entire amount in cash, with no service fees.

It isn't a major victory in the grand scheme of things, but it makes me happy, so I'll take it.

Some Enchanted Evening...

Not everything went right.  Nobody remembered ice..or tongs. I chose the wrong shoes (ow), came perilously close to what could have been a nasty car accident, had a middle-of-the-night fight with an air conditioner because for the first time in my life I was too hot.  We panicked a few minutes because we weren't sure the best man's shirt was really where it ended up being.  At the reception while having a conversation with somebody's grandmother, I chose words poorly and while attempting to tell a very sweet and sincere story managed to make myself sound like a raging tramp instead...and made the groom's father hyperventilate and choke on cake in the process.

It really was just about perfect, though.  I may even officiate another one of these shindigs one day, especially if there are kilts and twinkle lights involved.

Zombie Apocalypse Preparation Day

The Shreveport Zombie Walk was on Saturday.  I got dressed for the occasion as a zombie hunter since the league had been invited to come be "Zombie Crowd Control" on skates for the event.  I figured that you need somebody with a gun to keep zombies in line, right?  Well, that, and I hate fake blood.

My outfit consisted of: A black T-shirt, cut up a bit over a red tank top, a black "dance" skirt (short), black shorts (short), and fishnets over dance tights, with a bit of dramatic eye makeup and teal blue "war paint" lines under my eyes.  I finished it off with my belt buckle made of .30-06 shells, a toy rifle, and my awesome STOMPEH! Doc Martens, and headed out the door.  I tossed my gear in my car and decided to move the gas can that I'd left on the front walk back to the carport it should live in.

I live in the country.  It's very "in the sticks" (no highspeed internet OR pizza delivery), and for the most part I'm surrounded by older people and a few young families.  We have a neighborhood but everybody is spread out a bit, with their homes on 2-4 acre lots.  In my section, neither neighbor on either side has a fence, so we've got a pretty big sprawl of pawn between us... and as I walked over to deposit my big red gas can (and get gas all over my hands because I can't do anything without making a mess) I noticed a trio of 2 men and a woman walking in my general direction, coming across the neighbor's yard.  They were still there when I went back around, so I walked towards them and offered a "Can I help ya'll?"  One of the gentlemen stepped forward and explained that he was a realtor showing the property across the street, and his clients wanted to look around the neighborhood and get a feel for things.  I cheerfully told them that it was a great neighborhood that was really quiet and full of great people, and headed back to my car.  As far as I can tell, those folks vaporized on the spot- I didn't even see them as I left, tears rolling down my cheeks and smearing my war paint because they probably got the impression that the neighborhood houses backwood militants who do their yardwork in fishnets and warpaint.  I got myself under control quickly, but then my dad called me to let me know that I needed to turn around, because he just realized that I'd forgotten my pants (britches, actually)... and I had to pull over to get my giggles under control.

Just for fun- here's a picture of me with Jesus.

My shirt read "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers" until I corrected it with a Sharpie to say "zombies." The creation of that shirt was a comedy of errors, but I didn't burn my house down in the process, so I called it a victory.

And...

Found him!

Things Happened.

So let's see...

That May bout?  My team (the Bayou Bruisers) won.  The following two, against the Cenla Derby Dames - one home, one away- were well played, but we were not victorious.  However, my life still rocked, because for all 3 bouts, a CertainSomeone happened to fly across the country to visit, and to watch us skate, and that's a pretty awesome thing.  And hey! He's flying in town again for our interleague bout this weekend, in which I'll be a Bruiser again, and it's going to be smashing.

That's pretty much the happy end of things.

In the "life happens, and damn does it keep you busy" department, the Things That Happened weren't so swell.  In late June, my dad fell... and in July, on the weekend when CertainSomeone and I were going to head to New Orleans for San Fermin en Nueva Orleans, we ended up going to Dallas again for dad had landed himself in the hospital.  Lots of THINGS happened, including a Kyfoplasty and 50+ days of rehab, but yesterday my dad came home to me, having been deemed fit to live on his own but with some assistance.  I feel like I could honestly write a book right now about how one who isn't expecting to do so can navigate the medical (and Medicare) system without ending up admitted themselves, but I'm probably not well qualified. I made some mistakes- one of which may have caused a pretty big setback in dad's recovery when I chose a rehab facility that looked great on the surface but had I done my research properly, I'd have steered away from.  Anyhow- lessons have been learned.  If you ever have a loved one in the hospital for something more serious than a hangnail, get yourself a notebook and record everything.  Put everyone's card in the pocket. Write on the back of the card who they are and what date they became relevant... and be grateful for the people in your life who will let you vent every single day about how much the situation sucks, because they'll help an awful lot... and try not to hold grudges against people who aren't being as involved as you'd like.  Chances are, they're prioritizing as well as they can, even if it seems unfair.

SO ANYWAY.... My dad came home yesterday!  That's great.  He can now get around the house with his walker and some bitching, and he's pretty decent at propelling his wheelchair.  He's hoping to regain his independence as quickly as possible, but I think we'll be ok even if this situation lasts for awhile.  I'm looking at a lifestyle change of sorts, at least temporarily... but I don't mind.  Since he's been in treatment, my days have consisted of a schedule that involves leaving for work most mornings around 7:15 and getting home around 9:00 (or later) most nights, so I think I'll adjust pretty easily to needing to go straight home from work to check on the old man (and nap).

As for me?  Well, for me, stress manifests itself in the form of indulgence in cookies, bourbon, and more nicotine than it should.  I've gained 10 pounds, maybe 12.  I've missed a lot of practices.  I've had way more junk food than I should have, but I've taken my vitamins religiously.  Now that things have turned around a bit with dad, though, those are all factors I plan to address.

And lookit! Some of my girls and I made the front page of a local paper (and it's not even a mug shot).  Things aren't all bad... truthfully, they're pretty good all things considered.

And that's my update of Things that Happened.

Sabine says my ADD is ruining her feng shui today. OH LOOK BUNNIES!

Actual excerpts from our Google Chats today:

me: I am taking the MOG MY LIFE SUZCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! today.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
Sabine: I am so stupidly happy.
STUPIDLY HAPPY
me: GOOD.
YOU DESERVE IT.
I LOVE CAPITALS TODAY.
Sabine: I LOVE EVERYTHING TODAY
me: Who put glitter in your cheerios?

---

me: Ok. "Bri and 4 other friends are attending Pre-Rapture Orgy" made me LOL.
Sabine: NOBODY INVITED ME TO THE ORGY.
me: ....
Bri is inviting you to the orgy.
Sabine: Having Bri invite me makes it EVEN BETTER.
I LOVE TODAY

--

me: subcontractors eating my brain
Sabine: you haz subcontracted ZOMBIES?!?!
me: YES.
AND THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WORKERS COMP
Sabine: Must be cheap labor at least.
me: true...
Do you want to know what just happened to me?
Sabine: YES
me: Remember that thing...... several months ago? Last summer?
<cutting out all the good stuff. But it was REALLY funny. And awesome.>
Sabine: I just have to say it, I love us. Really, I do.
me: I love us, too.

--

me: http://www.patspapers.com/story_stack/item/baby_cakes_offer_up_proof_in_the_frosting/
Sabine: I blame my inability to comprehend that on my lack of wubby as a young child.
me: right.
Sabine: My Mother failed me.
and because of that she will never find out the sex of her grandchild via Skype.
so really she failed herself too
me: hopefully she'll never find out from cake, either.
Sabine: Pink cake always tastes like ass anyway. I can't imagine what blue cake would taste like...blue coconut?
me: COCONUT IS NOT BLUE WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE DO THAT. Didn't we JUST have this conversation????
COCONUT DOES NOT TASTE BLUE.
Sabine: Right, cause that is after all your favorite tampon scent.
me: Coconut doesn't even smell blue. MY blue tampons are BlueBERRY scented.
Sabine: blue raspberry?
me: sure.
Sabine: You totally just broke my brain.
me: Hey! I just got good news. I think that means I'm probably going to step on a rusty nail or something.
Sabine: Dammit, Sarah. Your ADD mind is fucking with my feng shui today.
me: :D "Rapture" by Blondie just got added into the bout playlist.
me: Ok, so I bought a package of Hanes boyshorts. And they're the MOST COMFY UNDERPANTS in the world. It's like a 16 hour hug for your ass. LOVE them. Can't find them online to order more. Iz SAD.

<Sabine is unavailable for chat>